I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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