omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
