hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
