I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dicks are not precious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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