The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
