so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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