summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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