A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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