this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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