i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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