You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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