She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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