Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
