you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
