Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
