Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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