Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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