I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
