I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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