Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
