She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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