Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
