so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
