I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
