hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
