I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
