Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
