My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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