Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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