Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
