im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
