Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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