i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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