Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
