overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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