GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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