Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
