Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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