Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
