Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
