Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
