so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
