she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
