Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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