i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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