There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
