he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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