she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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