There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
