dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
