I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
