I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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