Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
